Tuesday, June 23, 2009

sorrow and sympathy

Facing what's to come...

" May you find strength InGod's love ...and comfort in knowing that others share your loss."
" No one else can feel your sorrow, but sometimes knowing others care and share your loss may be a source of strength and courage."
From those who have been there: "We feel your pain...and trust that the Lord will sustain you as you face each new day."

So many people kept saying to us- that they didn't know what to say- they didn't have the words- yet I found, that in them telling us just that- I was comforted. I would have been at a loss for words, myself- had I been in the same position. There are times when I wish I had of just said those exact words to people who were hurting in similar circumstances, rather than say nothing....

We have been so amazed by the number of cards we have receieved, and sometimes, even who they were from. For no matter how short a time we had with our precious little men, they touched so many lives.

Somehow it helps, knowing how sad others are that they didn't get to meet our boys. That were known so little- yet loved so much, somehow helps too.
Somehow it helps knowing others too, were shocked by our sudden loss. It helps knowing others too, recognised their lives and yet too share our pain on not sharing the here and now with Matthew and Joshua.

So many have said.." You are so strong", "you show such courage" , "You are so positive"- I'm glad that God has given the strength, courage and peace- on my own I don't know how I'd pick myself up. Somehow our lives must go on- and yet when they do- what guilt I I'm betraying my sweet little boys- and then comes the anger that they aren't here- and the 'why not's?"....please don't mistake my peace and strength and courage for perfection...I don't understand why our boys aren't with us but I do know that I have to trust that God does and that this is not the end-we only see part of the picture right now. It still hurts but we take comfort that Matthew and Joshua are in a better place, free from sickness and evil and all else that is not good in this world.

We are thankful that they are together and not separated- even when we found out about the TTTS- I couldn't imagine our darlings apart from each other.

God indeed has been our strength, comfort and given us that peace that we can never really fully understand- that peace which passes all understanding- that surreal kind of feeling- knowing you are doing ok, at that moment...
In all honesty, some days have been such a blur and I can't remember things that happened or that I've done - but I survived them all the same! I'm still here...
We can only take it one day at a time.

In Honour and Loving memory of our precious twin boys

starting out...

This is an entirely new experience for me- and one I have avoided until now!
I hope this to be an avenue for all parents who have lost little ones to chat and encourage one another.
Just figuring this all out so I'll write more another time xx